When Not To Speak A Word

Have you ever lost something precious to you?

• A spouse

• A child

• Even an animal

Given that everyone dies, if this hasn’t happened in your life sooner or later it unfortunately will. When I reflect back on my wife’s death in 2003 it is interesting to remember how various people handled this event differently.

Some wanted to consol with words of hope. She’s dead, I’d think, there is no hope in this given situation.

Other’s opted for avoidance not knowing what to say. This was equally hurtful and sad.

Still other’s thought it was time for them to swoop in and take control of the situation. Lovingly, of course, but this also was of little aid to the cause.

The one’s who really "got" their "responsibility" of the moment were those who remained available and silent. These are those that clearly understood that their presence was indeed wanted even if they said or did nothing.

However, the power of the unspoken word is not only present within serious life changing events as these.

• Your spouse is spouting off about something related to the kids. This may not be time for fixing but simply for listening.

• A particularly bad day was had at work, which is being vented about. It’s not time to quit the job necessarily, just time to be heard.

• When a business partner calls with a problem, just taking the time to listen may be all that is necessary.

There are indeed times to act and/or react; but more often than most may want to admit, just being able to communicate a frustration with another is all that is necessary.

Whatever the case forming allies during periods of disruptions like this is never recommended. I’ve seen it happen far to often that the two people upset at each other resolve their differences while the third party remains upset. What good is that?

In today’s fast past world sometimes people just need to be heard. Unfortunately, most of us today are so busy fixing things that when their problem surfaces it becomes just another issue to fix and the idea of someone actually listening to them is lost.

That’s why knowing when not to speak is actually a very powerful tool.

When I find myself in a situation where someone is venting, I will sometimes ask. Are you looking for solutions or a listening ear? According to their answer I respond accordingly.